I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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