Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i out mim tonsoeep
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
