Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
