your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
