Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
