You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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