Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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