my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
