I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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