He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
