Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
