Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
BRING THE BAGELS
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
