he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How naked do you want me to be?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
