so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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