Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
