oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
