If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize