I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
