Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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