I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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