Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
