He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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