Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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