i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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