batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
