IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
