It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
