I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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