Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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