Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
