I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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