All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
