I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
