Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize