all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
