Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
