You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
