so that wasnt chicken after all
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
