If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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