Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
