i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
