Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
