I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i out mim tonsoeep
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