You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
