this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is Oprah even human
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
