i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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