She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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