You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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