we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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