Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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