dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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