This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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