Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
