well I can't set my house on fire every night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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