You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
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DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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