I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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