My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
