What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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