If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
