Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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