He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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