toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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