I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
