I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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