So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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