I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
