I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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