my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am spending my child support on dildos
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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