If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
