New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
