I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
