Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
