Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
