Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
